Conflict Coaching – What It Is
Conflict coaching is a one on one voluntary and confidential process
that combines ADR and coaching principles. It is at its very essence,
an individualized method for helping people effectively engage in
conflict.
A few basic similarities between the fields of ADR and coaching,
include the basic premises of self-determination and confidentiality.
While some of the techniques and practitioner’s skills are similar,
there are some major differences.
An important distinction is that the goals of those who participate
in conflict coaching may not only be about resolving conflict. Rather,
individuals seeking coaching (referred to as coachees in this presentation),
may want to work on ways to prevent a dispute from unnecessarily escalating,
to improve their competency in conflict management, to develop stronger
communication skills for a difficult conversation and other objectives,
that are often more about managing, than resolving.
What It Is Not
Considering when conflict coaching works and when it does not –
the subject of this presentation - it helps to distinguish coaching
from other processes.
Counselling/Therapy
In conflict coaching, it is inevitable that coachees vent their version
of the incident and their concerns to the coach. The coach remains
supportive and non-judgemental and is for all intents and purposes,
the coachees’ champion. While therapeutic by virtue of this
experience, coaching is not therapy or counselling. For instance,
coaches do not explore past experiences, or the genesis of the conflict
behaviours and emotional responses.
This does not mean coachees do not refer to historical events, or
discuss the impact that conflict has on them. It does mean there are
limitations as to where coaches intervene. The context is the coachees’
conflict management goals and is essentially, future-focussed.
Conflict coaching does not work then, when coachees need or want counselling
or therapy, to address unresolved emotional issues.
Mentoring
Mentoring usually occurs when a senior person in an organization or
position of authority, provides more junior people with the benefit
of their experience and expertise. Mentoring is usually given in the
form of advice, information and other direct assistance.
The CINERGY™ model of conflict coaching, that I developed is
like many other coaching models, in that it does not operate on the
basis that coaches give advice. The operating premise as articulated
by the International Coach Federation’s philosophy, is that
coaches are “creative, resourceful and whole”. This is
of course, consistent with the concept of self-determination and self-discovery.
Conflict coaching then, does not work when coachees expect advice
and are not interested in or willing to participate in a process,
that expects them to be or become their own experts.
Mediation
Unlike mediation, in which a mediator facilitates a discussion with
two or more parties in a dispute, coaches do not bring “the
other person” into the coaching process to resolve the issues
in dispute. Mediators may provide some form of coaching in pre-mediation
meetings or in the process, e.g. in caucus. They are not however,
a champion of one party. Generally, mediators focus on facilitating
negotiations and discussions to assist both (all) parties identify
their interests and work towards resolution of their differences.
Conflict coaching then, does not work if coachees expect the process
to be more of the nature of a mediation, or for that matter, an arbitration.
Agent/Representative
Coaches do not act as an agent or representative for a coachee. That
is, the coach will not on behalf of coachees, go to other people in
support of the coachee’s goal or participate in a process, as
the coachee’s advocate.
Coaching then, does not work if coachees want/need an agent or representative
for a rights-based process. Nor, does a coach speak for coachees under
any other circumstances.
Remedial Coach
There is some tradition that coaching was employed as corrective action,
for discipline and other behavioural issues. Coaching has evolved
in many ways and for many reasons, especially since the late 80’s.
It is a process to help people be their best and achieve their personal
and professional goals, personally and professionally. There are many
types of coaching, everything from developing career objectives, to
learning negotiation skills, to attaining work-life balance and so
on. For the most part, people choose to go to coaching, although organizations
may identify areas for improvement and introduce coaching programs
to improve sales, communications, planning and so on. When it comes
to conflict coaching, people are commonly referred, because they are
demonstrating problematic conflict conduct in the workplace. Under
those circumstances, it is not unusual for coachees to be resistant
to the process and the coach. Lack of clarity or inconsistency about
their goals, anger about being referred, assumptions about the reasons
for the referral and other possibilities, have an impact on how coaching
is received.
Coaches commonly work with resistant people and employ techniques
to assess coachability and to manage the sources of the resistance.
As a consequence, resistance does not flag that coaching is not viable.
Conflict coaching does not work however, when referrals are inappropriate
and when coachees resist to the point that they will not willingly
engage in the process.
When Does Conflict Coaching Work?
This previous discussion on when coaching does not work, inherently
points out when it does. There are other circumstances as well, when
coaching applies.
Pre-Mediation Coaching
Coaching in which a coach prepares a party for mediation, is a valuable
application of conflict coaching. Coaching in these circumstances
is focussed on ways to support the party being coached, beyond what
a mediator does in pre-mediation meetings with each party. The coach’s
role is not only to help prepare the coachee to resole issues in dispute
and understand the mediation process. It is also to assist the coachee
to rehearse challenging communications, to identify mutual interests
and consequences, to expand thinking on options, strategies and solutions
and so on.
Post-Mediation Coaching
The objectives of post-mediation coaching include to help one or both
(or more) of the disputants, on an individual basis, to reach whatever
goals remain in the aftermath of the mediation. This may include to:
- improve the relationship, when it remains strained
- improve conflict management skills, having realized and identified
areas that cause the coachee concern
- address any unmet or unresolved matters, about the person or the
situation
- consider the types of reactions and situations that lead to unnecessary
escalation and work on ways to manage them for the future
Pre and Post-Training
Another useful application of conflict coaching is before and after
training, e.g. for mediation, conflict management, conflict coaching,
group facilitated process or other training. The rationale for this
application is that people being trained in these areas, are usually
able to identify specific areas where their own conflict management
skills are lacking. This fact may preclude their skills, both as a
conflict participant and as a practitioner.
With preparatory work, pre-training conflict coaching may for instance,
help participants identify their particular conflict management style
(e.g. through the use of assessment tools), consider and name the
areas in which they feel least competent, establish their individual
training objectives and development plan and so on.
Post-training coaching may be linked to pre-training coaching when
applicable, or exist as its own process. In either case, post-training
coaching is aimed at sustaining what was learned, helping people identify
areas requiring further development and plans for that development,
including action steps, timelines and so on.
Mediation-Coach
Another application of conflict coaching is as a ‘silent partner’
to a mediation party, within the mediation process. To avoid imbalance
at the table, this concept works best if each mediation party has
a coach. Also, it is necessary for the mediator, the disputants and
coaches to clarify their roles and ways of operating, in advance.
A viable model is based on the notion that the coachees are not only
interested in resolving the issues in dispute. That is, there are
other objectives for which coaching is chosen. This may include goals
such as wanting to:
- improve conflict communication skills (and use this mediation opportunity
to do so or learn from)
- gain increased understanding of one’s triggers and tendencies,
e.g. to react
- shift destructive behavioural reactions, to constructive responses
- learn how to check assumptions
This model also presupposes that each coach is providing pre and
post-mediation to his/her coachee regarding their stated objectives.
During the mediation, the coach does not speak on behalf of his/her
coachee or otherwise participate directly in the mediation process.
Rather, the coach observes the coachee, to be able to provide feedback
relative to the stated goals and generally, assists with the coachee’s
skills in conflict engagement. This coaching assistance is provided
at caucuses (which may be requested by the mediator, coachee or coach),
when it is pertinent to the focus of the mediation. Otherwise, objectives
not relevant to the mediation, are addressed in post-mediation coaching.
Other situations when conflict coaching works Conflict coaching works
in other situations, including the following:
- the other person” does not want to participate in
a mediation
- a person seeking assistance does not want to engage in the mediation
process. For instance, s/he may specifically state the objective of
wanting to manage the conflict on his/her own, without intervention
by a third person
- the other party” does not show up for a mediation.
Summary
Conflict coaching is a dynamic process that has many applications
and may be used instead of or, in conjunction with training, mediation
and other conflict management processes. This may also include group
facilitated processes and simply, to help people prepare to lead a
meeting that has the potential for being fractious. Coaching may also
be used to help people to effectively participate in rights-based
processes. In short, coaching has application anywhere in the spectrum
of conflict management processes, within or without an informal or
integrated conflict management system.
In sum, conflict coaching is unique in many ways. This includes that
it provides the support, assistance and encouragement that helps people
improve their knowledge, skills and abilities to manage conflict,
in an individualized process, that is specific to them. The growth
of this process will undoubtedly have an impact on practitioners in
the field of conflict management and on the range of techniques available
to help people engage effectively in conflict.
Cinnie Noble, ACC, CM, LL.M. (ADR), is a lawyer-mediator and
ICF certified coach who created the CINERGY® model of conflict
coaching. She chairs the ACR Workplace Section’s new Conflict
Coaching Subcommittee and is co-chair of the ICF’s Special Interest
Group on Conflict Coaching.
