Even when an interpersonal dispute appears to be resolved, there are times that some of us continue to feel unresolved in our hearts and mind. Why is that? There are lots of reasons this phenomenon occurs. These include lingering feelings of hurt, anger and other remaining negative emotions. Or, it could be the realization that we regret our unspoken words and sentiments. Or, we regret saying things we know we cannot take back now. A tendency to accommodate the other person’s needs more than our own and an inclination to yield to avoid further dissension may be other reasons for feelings and thoughts that linger. These are just some reasons that preclude us from reconciling differences.
To truly reconcile differences when we are involved in an interpersonal dispute extends beyond the issues in dispute and the appearance of reconciliation. At these times, it helps to consider what is important to us that we have not yet expressed. It is also helpful to acknowledge what remains unresolved in our hearts before proceeding as though things are really settled. This is easier said than done of course and is particularly the case when we perceive there are irreconcilable differences, and when we are anxious to feel better and reconnected with the other person.
This week’s blog asks you to look back at an interpersonal dispute that was settled – for all intents and purposes – but something is not reconciled for you.
- What remains unresolved for you about that dispute?
- What reasons may explain this?
- What is the impact on you that the differences between you and the other person are not reconciled?
- What may be unresolved for the other person in the dispute between you?
- What reasons could there be for that?
- What do you think the impact is on the other person?
- What could the other person have said or done differently that may have led to a better outcome for you?
- How would that have reconciled things for you?
- What could you have done or said differently that may have reconciled your differences in a more satisfactory way?
- What may you do now to reconcile the differences, if you want to?
Please feel free to add other ConflictMastery™ Quest(ions) to those above.